My prayer is that my words be filled with grace and seasoned with salt...
As I sit down to share this blog, I'm hesitant. It's not really a topic I care to discuss, but it's an area of my life in which, The Lord, has been so gracious and merciful. He has used the challenges and struggles that I have faced to purify and prune my life. He has used it to sanctify and rid me of some of my biggest struggles. I dare not say that I am completely well versed in the topic of rejection or that I have reached a place of full understanding because well, I'm still human, aren't I? I have yet to see the perfection of my glorification, but until then, I will continue to carry my cross, and fight to finish the race. For now, I am burdened to share what The Lord calls me to share.
What is rejection?
"dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste."
And to be rejected, by definition makes you a reject, which means..
"a person or thing dismissed as failing to meet standards or satisfy tastes."
A reject, by definition, is what I classified myself to be in the eyes of another human. How did I get to that point? A place where I allowed someone to define who I was by what they thought I didn't measure up to?
"extreme admiration, love, or reverence for something or someone" (more than / other than God)
Idolatry led me to an end that I never cared to reach. An end that left me curious of God's presence in my situation. BUT GOD... no matter how much I questioned and wondered and doubted, there He was. Here's my story...
Thank you for rejecting me.
Not a phrase that I would've ever thought I could say, or would've been proud to say or even allow my lips to utter... Why? Because rejection doesn't feel good. It's not a title that I compete to wear, in fact, unbeknownst to me, to be rejected was a fear buried deep down within me.
Although I had experienced rejection in the past, I chose to ignore it. I buried it deep down... But just like anything that's buried, when enough time passes, normally, at the most inconvenient, inappropriate time, it resurfaces and pokes its ugly head into the areas of life where it was needed the least.
Over the past couple years, I have experienced rejection, in what feels like a way that I have not in the past. This time, rejection made me feel unworthy, unseen, misunderstood, unloved, inadequate, given up on, not worth time and energy, immature, unreliable, and ultimately embarrassed.
It truly made me feel like I was beneath the worth of any effort or pursuit.
Can you relate?
After experiencing rejection - this time - The Lord did not allow it to be buried back down where it was nice and hidden. Where nobody could see and where I could just simply forget it was there. He didn't allow me to hide it again. In the past, I could just simply go on my merry way, rejection buried deep within. Not this time.
Experiencing rejection is like an explosion. In the moment it hurts, it hurts a lot, it's leaves you in a state of shock, but with time, like I have experienced in my past, the debris settles and it get nestled down beneath the business of life. Work, friendships, other struggles, etc.. all tend to leave rejection and it's debris in the fog of a distant memory.
This time, in my experience of rejection, He's allowed it to remain in sight. I can try and push it to my periphery, yet, it makes it way back into plain sight. Making it unforgettable. With nowhere to turn my gaze or ignore. This left me with one option - to face it. For so long, instead of facing it, I beat myself up, I questioned myself so much. To be honest, I questioned God too, because I genuinely couldn't understand this rejection, and why He allowed it. I tried. I tried to hide it and move on. I attempted to convince myself that I had been healed of this... but then...
One night, I saw something and the rejection flooded right back, and in that moment, I began to ask again, "Why God? Why did you allow this? Was it because of immaturity? Why does this have to be my cross to bear? Was I not good enough? Why couldn't I be fought for? Why wasn't I worth the time? Why wasn't I worth the effort?"
In that moment, our GOOD GOOD GOOD God began to whisper to my heart, combatting the lies the enemy tried to penetrate deep within... It was His whisper that turned a confused heart to a heart that can rejoice in a prayer of thankfulness to Him.
In that moment I was reminded of the following which I want to share with you.
Could I truly be thankful for rejection? Something that caused so much pain and confusion?
God reminded me that night, that He goes past our "mess-up". Unlike other, mere humans, God doesn't see our sin and walk away.(2 Cor 5:21) No matter how much, how deep. He keeps forgiving. (1 John 1:9) He keeps redeeming.(Col. 1:13-14) He keeps loving.(Ps.86:5) He calls us closer and deeper.(Rom. 3:11) There is nothing that we can do for Him to love us less. There is no amount of running we can do. There is nothing we can do to get away from Him. (Ps. 139)
We are so undeserving of this, yet He does it anyway because of our relationship with His Son, Jesus.
Through this experience, my personal conviction has become that God allows rejection, so that we can realize that lesser loves will never suffice. That only He can satisfy. That only He can offer a constant love that fights for us. That knows us fully and deeply and loves us anyway.
It reminds me of a quote by Tim Keller that says:
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
We are fully known and deeply loved by Him. No amount of human rejection will convince Him that He ought to give up on us.
Don't allow the opinion of others or their actions toward you define you.
Surrender to Him. (2 Cor 12:9)
Everyone may reject or forget you, BUT GOD will never. (Isaiah 49:15)
This, all that to say... Thank you for rejecting me. I am thankful for human rejection that led to me further knowing my loving Father in a new, fresh way.
There are many thoughts on this page, but I pray that The Lord meets you were you are and speaks to your heart in the area where He's dealing with you personally. I encourage you to seek Him first.