Addicted

So, last month it made a YEAR that I had not shared anything on here… LIKE WHAT?! I think my only explanation to that is nursing school.

I’ve sat down, written quite a few blog posts, and just haven’t posted them. I can’t explain why I’ve chosen to click “draft” instead of “publish”…. maybe one day they’ll make it out here.

I digress….

I feel like within this past year the Lord has grown me in areas in which I didn’t realize growth was needed. He tends to do that… I’ve prayed before for one thing, and then all of a sudden God’s like… HOLD UP!! Look at this corner of your heart that needs major care!

I’ve learned things about Him that I thought I knew, and I came to a realization that I might’ve known them, but never really understood them.

This past year has been, I think, one of the most spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally draining years of my life.

Regarding my spiritual life, specifically, it seems as this past year was a year where I felt the most empty and distant from God in a very long time. Don’t get me wrong… God never left me. & He never will. But I was definitely not seeking to spend time with Him, or read His word, how I have in the past. And oh, how I felt it.

The word is alive guys. It is our instruction manual. Our guide. A lamp unto our feet. Without it, we’re in the dark! It’s comfort, it’s support, and it’s wisdom…

Anyway.. The Lord used this distance from Him in such a mighty way (you’d think opposite, right? Nope.). He uses even the bad to glorify Him… & I honestly couldn’t be more thankful for that… Even when I thought to myself that I was stagnant in my relationship with Him, or worse, that I was moving in the opposite direction… He used it to show me His faithfulness in such a beautiful way.

I just want to share something that the Lord laid on my heart, and something that I’ve truly been pondering within these past few weeks. I like to call, the high.

This past year I realized that while I was not seeking the Lord in the way that I wanted to, I was seeking other things to fill the void in my heart that I was feeling. Throughout this time I realized that this is such a common struggle amongst those in this generation, and heck… just in people in general.

We all love the euphoric feeling of this high. It’s addicting.

What is this high that I’m talking about? It’s that feeling you get when you’re at the end of a hockey game, it’s overtime, there are 8 seconds left & THEY SCORE! You jump to your feet, arms waving in the air, screams, this is amazing! You feel like you’ve just conquered the world from your seat! You walk to your car, high fiving people, chanting your teams name, get to your car, start driving with the biggest smile…. and as you drive, slowly and sneakily, that high disappears. You start to remember all the things you need to do, the stress that’s weighing you down, and everything goes back to normal, but you just CAN’T wait for that next time you feel those emotions that just faded seconds ago.

Here’s another example..So you start talking to someone new… guy/girl, and it’s the beginning.

YOU KNOOOW how the beginning is.

Every time that phone rings or you get a message, and it goes something like “Hey!! ” … Sparks fly, the room is filled with butterflies and you can smell the roses! The conversation continues and the relationship progresses. After a few weeks, “hey” no longer cuts it. Now to get to the high, It needs to be something more like “Your smile is proof that the best things in life are free.” (Cheesiness at it’s finest) BAM! There it is again, this time you see unicorns instead of butterflies, and the church bells are ringing, you’re pulling out the baby books to look for names, Bartholomew, maybe? Nah.. but over time, this won’t be enough either.

The high gets harder and harder to attain & with every failed high comes disappointment, sadness and even frustration.

If you’re feeling this right now, raise your hand! Ok if you actually raised your hand, we can be friends bc I would’ve too

The High makes us feel full, even if the fullness is temporary.

The emotions feel nice.

Feeling full is satisfying.

But in between every high, there is emptiness.

There is a search for purpose.

You see guys, when we depend on external things, such as people, sports, or just emotions to SATISFY us, to fill our cup… we will be satisfied for a mere few minutes, and then we’ll be right back to our empty cup. We’ll be back to our feeling of emptiness and purposelessness.

In between highs we wait with expectation for what will happen next, leaving us disappointed if it’s anything less than what we expected. We begin to find our identity in these man made, euphoric moments. Man made. Anything man made is bound to fail you at one point or another. Why? Because. Man is not perfect. Man is not fullness. Man is not love.

When we find our identity in people or people made things, we lose our focus, and God is placed on the back burner. Over these past few months, I saw (again), what happens when God is placed on the back burner in my life. I felt the emptiness. I felt that wait time for the next moment where I was going to feel full again. I wasn’t fueling and filling myself with his word daily.

You see, When Jesus is our identity…

Now, before you roll your eyes, or say “yeah, ok Valerie, I knew this was heading in this direction”…. hear me out!

When Jesus is our identity…. when we RELY on Jesus to fill our cup, we will NEVER be disappointed. In fact, our cup overflows. We will always feel full, with enough to share with others. Why? Because our identity is in Him and in Him alone. Because “Those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing” (Psalms 34:10b). Because even when we don’t get what we want. Even when life is not going to plan, we can always remember the promise that “ALL things (even the “bad” ones) work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

We can experience freedom. And let me tell you friend… there is no greater high, there is no greater fullness… than the freedom and fulfillment of a life rooted in Christ!

So even if your team doesn’t win or make it into the Playoffs every year… Or the guy/girl you’ve been crushing on, breaks your heart… You can always find that ever lasting high, in Jesus, through His love and a true relationship with Him. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

People will disappoint you, but God never will.

Don’t live chained to the high. Don’t live an empty life. Experience freedom & fulness in Jesus.

-Val