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Dear "Why am I Still Single?"

“Why am I still single?”


As a young teen I asked myself this question a lot. Everyone around me had a boyfriend and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE. My church friends, my school friends, everyone surrounding me was happy with their significant other. Then there was me.


Twelve year old, 6th grader. (I was really mature for a 12 year old by the way) BEGGING my mom to let me have a boyfriend because 16 seemed too far away. I wanted a boyfriend NOW. Boys came around, I crushed and then finally when they came around to talk to me it was to tell me that my best friend was cute, if I could “help them out?”. Haha, NO. There I stayed waiting, just waiting.


Nobody looked at me. Middle school came and went and there I was… still single. I was SURE that in High school I would have a boyfriend, I mean, I was starting a new school with so many new people… there HAD to be at least one guy to notice me.

I crushed.


I crushed HARD.


I got hurt.


Wanting a boyfriend became the only thing that I would think about, the only thing I would look for and the only thing I was willing to go out of my way for.


I would constantly complain to my mom, “Is there something wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t anybody like me?!” She would just comfort me in telling me that Jesus was saving my heart for my future husband.


My dad would tell me that it was better that I didn’t have a boyfriend, because to every boyfriend, I would give away a piece of my heart and the more I gave away the less I would have to give to my husband.


I felt so emotionally and mentally drained… Not getting anywhere, allowed to have a boyfriend, yet still single, I was tired.


I was only 17 and depressed. That became the theme of my life.


I just didn’t know how to get out of the funk I was in. I wanted to be over all of it. I wanted the obsession of being with someone to go away, I didn’t know how to do this though.


I would pray and pray, yet I would totally contradict my prayers when I would push myself to like someone or go out of my way to see the person I liked, instead of just letting it go.


At the time I wasn’t reading my Bible as much. I wasn’t listening for God. I was just praying and when He would try and work I would dodge it and do something else; get myself into a bigger mess because sometimes when God works we don’t like it. It hurts. It goes against what our flesh’s desires are and if you’re not in the right place, the changes don’t rub you the right way. It kind of reminds me of kids… when you try and give them medicine, they don’t like it, yet it’s the best thing for them.


I was completely out of love with my FIRST love.


Thanks to Jesus I made it through. I stopped searching. I SINCERELY asked Jesus to work and HE DID. He worked in ways that I would have NEVER in my wildest dreams imagined. He rearranged my life and moved things around in it for me to not be around the ones I liked that were not good for me.


.. So here’s a letter to all the girls asking themselves, “Why am I still single?”.


Dear “Why am I still single?”,


You are beautiful. No matter your shape, size, skin color or height. You are beautiful because God created you. He created you in His perfection. He gave you traits and characteristics that are unique to YOU. He made you to be different. A mere human man will never satisfy your need for love. He has already written your love story. He has a man for you that will meet your definition of perfect. He already has your prince charming and He’s working in His life just like He’s working in yours. Don’t rush God. He is preparing you in His time to be the perfect girlfriend, to be the perfect wife. He’s preparing Him to be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect husband. Just like fruits take time to mature and ripen, so do we. We always like to wait for fruits to be ready to eat, to be the perfect ripeness because otherwise they are not mature enough, they are still to hard. The same thing goes for humans. As women we try to take having a boyfriend into our own control and we are left hurt, unsatisfied, unloved, and all the other icky emotions that totally stink. Why don’t we let the One that created our heart do His thing with it. Step out of the way. Seek Him. Stay in His will. Love Him, because He is the only love that satisfies. Surrender all of your wants and needs to Him. Remember your first love, Jesus.


All in love,


A former “Why am I still single?”.


Ladies, I encourage you to fall in love with Jesus. Fall in love with Him like you never have before. Open His word and get to know Him. He will reveal Himself to you. He will fill your heart and make you joyful. He will give you peace and redirect your thoughts.


Fast Forward to today, It has been about a year and a little bit that I have been in “recovery”. God has worked on me and in my life like I would have never imagined. He has opened doors that I would have never thought possible. I have gotten to know Him so much and I feel like I can never have enough of Him. I rarely think about a relationship or boys for that matter. My focus has shifted and there aren’t enough words to express my gratitude to Jesus.


He saved my life on the cross over 2,000 years ago and continues to lift me up everyday.


Be blessed,


-Valerie

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